We often hear the term “attention seeking” tossed around, especially when it comes to children or those who seem to need a little extra focus. It’s easy to dismiss this behavior as a plea for the spotlight, but what if we reframed it? What if, instead of seeking attention, they were seeking connection?

Connection is one of our basic human needs. From the moment we are born, we crave connection—a bond that makes us feel seen, heard, and valued. When a child exhibits “attention-seeking” behavior, they are often signaling an unmet need for connection. It’s not about wanting to be the center of attention but rather about desiring meaningful engagement.

For children, this might look like repeatedly asking for your involvement in their play or acting out to get a reaction. They aren’t necessarily looking for the attention itself; they want to feel connected to you. Their behavior is a form of communication, expressing their need for your presence and reassurance.

Understanding this can change how we respond to others. Instead of seeing attention-seeking as a nuisance, we can view it as an opportunity to strengthen our bonds. Offering genuine attention—listening, engaging, and being present—can fulfill the underlying need for connection.

So next time you notice someone vying for attention, pause and ask yourself: what are they really seeking? The answer might lead to a more compassionate and connected relationship.

Understanding the difference between attention seeking and connection seeking can lead to more compassionate, effective responses and, ultimately, stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

Four Ways to Connect with Your Child

1. Quality Time- Spend dedicated time with your child daily, engaging in activities they enjoy. This could be reading a book, playing a game, or talking. Engage in activities that you both enjoy, like cooking, drawing, or taking a walk together. This fosters a sense of partnership and connection.
2. Active Listening– When your child talks to you, focus entirely on them. Make eye contact, listen actively, and respond thoughtfully. Validate your child’s emotions by acknowledging how they feel. Phrases like “I see that you’re upset” or “That sounds exciting!” help them feel understood.
3. Physical Affection– Physical touch, like hugs, cuddles, or even holding hands, strengthens emotional bonds. A soft pat on the back, a hand on the shoulder, or a kiss on the forehead can provide comfort and reassurance.
4. Play– Participate in your child’s playtime. Let them lead the play and join in with enthusiasm. Engage in activities like building blocks, pretend play, or arts and crafts. This not only connects you but also stimulates their creativity.