“I can’t!” It’s a statement children make when their BIG feelings are really weighing on them or when something feels overwhelming. We can choose to respond by replying “yes you can!” but that only helps some of the time.

The best way to reply is empathy and looking for the smallest next step possible. Breaking hard things down into smaller bite sizes is the best way to tackle hard things for all ages. It’s a strategy that can really help kids now, and in future challenges as well.

“Something about this feels overwhelming, I believe you. What is the smallest next step you can take?”

Reminding them of prior success over hard things and validating that tough moments feel tough on the mind can help them focus on what is being learned instead of freezing to the frustration.

“I can see that this is hard for you, but I’ve seen you tackle really hard things before and succeed!”

“The learning zone is where you learn new things. Your brain is in the zone stretching to learn new things and that can be frustrating sometimes.”

Helping your child by asking guiding questions is the trick to getting involved in the problem-solving process. Asking them to point out what specifically is challenging to them can help guide them towards a solution.

“Something about this is hard. Can you show or tell me which part of it is hard for you?”

Finally, empathizing with your child makes them feel less alone in their experience. It helps them to feel seen, heard and validated in their feelings, which will let them know that they can ask for help when things become overwhelming.

“It’s ok to ask for help when things feel hard.”

“Sometimes things are hard for me too. Can I tell you about a time when I felt like I couldn’t do something?”

Try these simple ways to respond to those “I can’t” situations. Sometimes, these phrases work best outside the moment and at other times they are exactly what’s needed in the moment. The goal is to help our little ones feel empowered to turn those big feelings into productive ones.