The When/Then Rule
There are often tasks we need our children to accomplish that they do not enjoy. If these tasks are part of everyday routines, they can make parents dread bath time or bedtime every single day. Last week, we talked about “the rule” and we want to add to your parenting toolbox this week by explaining the “when/then” rule.
If your child refuses to put her shoes on every morning, find something that she likes to do after putting on her shoes. Do not use rewards like toys or candy because you do not want her to expect a lollipop or new toy each time she puts on her shoes. Instead, offer something she loves to do. Some examples could be choosing a song to listen to, choosing a favorite toy to take in the car wit her, or singing a song with you.
Whenever you decide on the appropriate option, tell your child, “When you put your shoes on, you can pick
a song to listen to.”
Here are a few more tips to make sure you are effectively implementing this strategy:
- Always say “when…then…”because it allows the child to understand WHEN they do the thing they do not like THEN they are able to do something they do like.
- “WHEN you put your toys away, THEN we can have lunch.”
- “WHEN you take a bath, THEN we can read three books.”
- “WHEN you get in the car, THEN we can listen to your favorite song.”
- “WHEN you put your coat on, THEN we can go outside and play.”
- Be firm and friendly when you use the rule.
- If your voice is “too hard” or “too soft” the rule will not work as well.
- Make it a part of normal conversation, but emphasis the WHEN and THEN in your
statement.
- Look at your child when you talk to her.
- Get down on your child’s level and make eye contact. This helps your child understand that
your words are important. Additionally, it will make ensure that your child hears you
without distractions.
- Get down on your child’s level and make eye contact. This helps your child understand that
Check out this article for even more information on the when/then rule!
https://www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/andrea-nair-button-pushing/20140320/reduce-parenting-battles-with-the-when-then
