Children often push the limits, even when they know what is expected of them. An easy way to avoid power struggles is to teach them about THE RULE. Seems too easy, right? When explaining expectations to your children, start by saying “The rule is…” When you start with that statement instead of “I said” or “I need you to,” you are taking yourself out of the equation, while still telling them what you need from them. The rule becomes “the bad guy” instead of the parent.

You can even use this rule to validate their feelings when they are sad or frustrated. For example, “I know you want to run to the door by yourself, but THE RULE IS that you have to hold my hand in a parking lot. I know it sounds like more fun to run and I know you are disappointed, but that is the rule.”

Here are a few more examples:

• To teach a child to clean up his room, you could say:
  • “The rule is… no clothes on the floor.”
  • “The rule is… all toys have to be put away before bed.”
• To reduce fighting between your children:
  • “The rule is… no fighting with your brother.”
  • “The rule is… no hitting your sister.”