We often see our childhood selves in our little one’s faces, and it can bring up some feelings of comparison to what our own childhood was like. At times we may take advice from our own parents about how to parent well, or maybe we decide that we want to do things differently than the way we were parented. 

But if you come from a homelife that was less than ideal or if you experienced any kind of trauma or abuse, the reflection on your own experience can bring up a lot of difficult emotions. This is where the hard work begins because reflecting on your own childhood experiences and breaking the cycle is incredibly difficult and yet some of the most important work you can do for yourself and your children. It takes so much courage to get to that place of deep self-reflection, and to take steps towards positive and active change.

The downside to all of this is the pressure, the guilt, and the stress of always trying to get it right. It’s the feeling that we are constantly falling short. That maybe we won’t be able to break the cycle. That the reality of your kids’ childhood looks very different than how we had hoped and envisioned. We may wonder where we could have done better and get stuck in the defeating thoughts that we may actually have repeated some of the same cycles of pain, loss, or instability we experienced in our own childhood. 

And yet children are resilient – even when things are difficult for them, they bounce back, they persevere. When we look closely at our little ones, we likely see that they are thriving, happy, loving and living joyously. 

The truth is that no childhood can be perfect. That’s impossible. And experiencing zero pain or struggle is not what we want for our children. They need to know how to get through life’s challenges. No one is immune to that. Remember that by simply being intentional about making things better for our kids – by acknowledging that we are working on breaking the cycle – we are already doing so much for our little ones. We are giving them a safe place to land, something we may not always have experienced growing up.

What a gift it can be to acknowledge that we are enough, that we are doing best we can – and that our kids have everything they could possibly need – love, safety, acceptance – and that they are going to be just fine.