There is no doubt that setting boundaries is an important part of parenting. However, these boundaries we set can sometimes set off epic tantrums and power struggles with our little ones. So how can parents set boundaries AND avoid the negative fallout?

Somedays it might feel like the entire dialogue with your child looks like this:

Don’t do this.

You can’t do that.

No…no…no.

Children might often wonder “what CAN I do?”

Giving children a lot of validation and responding with “yes” as often as possible helps to build their self-esteem and overall confidence. Here are a few ideas of how you can parent with boundaries without always having to say “no”:

Rephrase: If your child asks to go out and play, but you have somewhere to be. Responding with “No, we have to leave soon” might initiate a power struggle. Try to rephrase your response to, “Yes, you can go out and play as soon as we get back, but we have to be at grandma’s house in 20 minutes.” This not only allows for a positive response, but also helps the child understand the rules and reason behind your answer.

Validate: Find ways to validate your children’s feelings while saying “no” to them at the same time. For example, when your child hits another child because he took one of his toys, try “you’re really upset that he took your toy. That’s frustrating. But I can’t let you hit him; hands are for playing. Let’s go find another toy.” You are allowing the feeling but also setting boundaries for the unacceptable behavior.

Choices: Giving children choices helps them feel in control of their situations and can reduce power struggles.  When your child is trying to run around the store, it can be natural to say, “No running in the store!” However, giving a choice can help minimize the upset by saying, “You can hold mommy’s hand or ride in the stroller, which do you choose?” Giving choices when both options are acceptable, creates a win-win situation for both you and your little one.

Be Silly: It’s all about balance. Don’t forget your sense of humor in parenting. Use silliness as a tool; making faces, using funny voices or dancing the mood away are great ways to create distraction for your little one. 

Always remember that for children, behavior is communication. Often, when toddlers are having difficulty there is an underlying meaning or cause for the issue. Consider these possible causes:

• Is my toddler acting out because they didn’t get enough individual attention today? 
• Is my child acting out because there are changes in our routine or life? 
• Is my little one acting out because a caregiver is not home as much?
• Is my toddler acting out because they are simply over-tired?
• Is my child acting out because they didn’t get enough physical energy out today?