Your baby points to a picture of a ball, you say “Ball! That’s a ball!” 

Your toddler hands you a toy, you say “Thank you!” 

While playing dolls with your daughter, she drops her doll and moves to the blocks and starts to build something, you follow her and ask her “what are you building?”

These examples all may just seem like a typical day in the life of parenting, but these simple interactions with your child are called ‘Serve and Return’ and they are a crucial part of brain development for your child.

Serve and Return is like a game of Ping Pong or Tennis. Your child shows an interest in something (serve) and an adult responds in a supportive way (return). Children thrive on this back and forth interaction with adults who are responsive and attentive. These relationships are important for brain development and build a strong foundation for all future learning.

Our Parenting Educators are often asked by caregivers how they can ensure that their children are getting what they need for physical, emotional and cognitive development. Here are 5 simple ways to encourage ‘Serve and Return’ in your daily interactions to help lay the foundation for future success in all aspects of development.

• Step 1: Share the Experience. When you notice your child pointing, making sounds or moving with intention, pay attention to what they are focusing on and share the experience with them.  “Oh, you see the dog walking?” This simple act in sharing your child’s experience shows them that you are paying attention to them and helps to strengthen your relationship as well as builds their curiosity.
• Step 2: Be Your Child’s Cheerleader. You can encourage your child’s “serve” by a simple comment like “Thank you” when they hand you a toy, or even just a smile or facial expression like excitement and even clapping can offer support and encouragement to your child. When your little one gestures towards something and you help them get it or when you just get down and play with them, you are making them feel understood and valued.
• Step 3: State the Obvious. When your child notices something, simply naming it for them helps to make language connections and thus helps with language development. You can name anything you are observing, a person, object, feelings or actions. “That little boy fell down and got hurt, he looks sad.” By naming things, you are showing your little ones that words are an important way to understand the world around us.
• Step 4: Give and Take. Taking turns with your child is an important lifelong skill. It helps them learn how to get along with others and teaches self-control. Waiting is an important part of this step, taking a pause gives your child time to create their own ideas and builds their confidence. Stepping back and taking the moment to delight in your child’s process shows them how much you value them.
• Step 5: Follow Their Lead. Children make it clear when they are done with what they are doing and are ready to move onto the next thing. This is an ideal time to follow their lead and move on with them. This “return” not only signals to your child that you are interested in what they are interested in, but it also supports their exploration of the world around them. 

Another benefit of ‘Serve and Return’ is that you don’t need toys or special environments to do it. It is a good way to simply be present and create fun moments while encouraging your child’s brain development. Try to look for opportunities to practice serve and return interactions in your everyday activities like going for a walk, taking a drive or making lunch.

With all of the distractions in the world these days, ‘Serve and Return’ parenting is a good opportunity to remind ourselves to focus on what is most important; being truly present with our children and building a strong foundation to last a lifetime.