Caregivers often come to our Partners In Play® groups with questions for our Parenting Educators about how pretend play should look and what their role is. Getting on the floor and engaging in endless amounts of pretend play (when you have a to-do list a mile long) in order to prevent challenging behavior or to quiet any parental guilt, is not the goal of play. We know that pretend play is important for children’s development, so check out this week’s Parenting Pointers for 7 ways to stay engaged and set boundaries for your child around play time.

1. 1. Follow Their Lead. Your primary role during pretend play is to follow your child’s lead. It’s tempting to put pressure on ourselves to be the “entertainer” during play but this can lead to burn out and less enjoyment. Instead, learn to see your role as the observer. This observer role helps to grow your child’s imagination and independent play skills. Try to avoid taking over the play time with a bunch of questions or comments. Spend the time just watching your child play and taking delight in the process.
   2. Stay Present. This is the biggest goal during pretend play. Make observational statements that show your child that you are really paying attention and staying present in the moment. Example: “I see you are stacking those blocks up high!”
   3. Quality Over Quantity. Don’t focus on the time you are spending playing with your child. There is no magical number or time frame that is “right.” Rather, focus on the quality of the interactions. Are you physically and emotionally present? Are you both engaged, laughing and having fun? What are you learning about your child as you delight in their play? These questions help you to focus on the important part of play rather than the minutes on the clock.
   4. It’s OK to Say “Not Now.” If you can’t be fully present, it’s perfectly ok to turn down a “play with me” invitation. When you need to set a boundary, just follow it up with a plan that your child can look forward to time with you. Example: I’m not feeling up to playing right now. But let’s make a plan for after lunch. Would you like to help me straighten up the kitchen or play on your own for a while?
   5. Make Play Part of Your Routine. For instance, try to work in 10-30 minutes of play right after lunch time. Children like knowing that they can expect to get some daily time with you when you are fully present and engaged. Children thrive with consistency and routine, so try to keep it the same time every day if possible. 
   6. Communicate When Playtime Will End. Give a 5-minute heads up when playtime is going to end. Children really need to have ample time to transition. Example: “We have about 5 more minutes of play time together. It has been so fun spending this time together!”
   7. Smooth Transitions. The key to smooth transitions is letting your child know when they can expect to play with you again. This helps them realize that it’s something they can look forward to. Example: I love playing with you, I can’t wait for our next playtime together tomorrow!”

Remember, your child only wants TIME with you and for you to show up fully present in those moments. It really is that simple and it directly correlates to building a secure relationship with your child that will benefit them with a lifetime supply of self-confidence.