Starting around age 3-4, kids start to have imagination and pretending skills, but can’t always differentiate between real and fantasy. Fear of the dark and nightmares peak around this age, and common fears are around things like monsters, and other supernatural figures, and separation (like getting lost). Preschoolers can think more abstractly but have a hard time differentiating between real and imaginary things. They begin to fear pretend things and the dark and may have scary dreams. 

How to handle childhood fears around nighttime:

1. Reassure – If it’s a bedtime fear or nightmare, stay in the moment without asking for details about the fear or bad dream. State confidently that your child is safe and that there is nothing th ethe room or house that can hurt them.
   For fears around bedtime: Offer confidence and connection – “\You are safe.” “This house is safe.” “Let’s read this silly story, sing a song, give you a hug and then I am going to tuck you in.”
   After a nightmare: Try to offer your child something to ground them like a drink of water, a trip to the potty or a hug to help them reset. “I am here. You had a bad dream; the dream isn’t real. You are safe.”
2. Investigate – At a neutral time (not a peak fear time like bedtime or after a nightmare), get curious about where it could be coming from. Was your child exposed to something in a book or show? Is there something in their room making shadows or noises?
   You can ask your child about the fear or get them to express it through a drawing or a role play with toys to try and figure out where the fear is coming from.
   Sometimes fears and nightmares come from stress, change or another life event. Be curious and consider all the possibilities.
3. Offer Calm – Your child needs to know that all their feelings are accepted by you, even fear. Try to avoid statements like “that’s so silly!” “don’t be scared, it’s nothing,” which can feel invalidating for your child.
   This can be a tricky balance because you don’t want to give their fears “power” by playing into them, but you also don’t want to dismiss them because they are very real to your child.
   Remain calm, accept their fears as real to them and offer your presence as a calm protector. Fill your child’s emotional cup with nighttime rituals that help them feel connected and remind them that you are nearby and will check on them as needed.
4. Practical tips – If your child is afraid of the dark, offer a nightlight.
   If your child is afraid of being alone, let them know you’ll check on them every few minutes until they are asleep, let them sleep with a lovey, photo of you or a shirt of yours (if they are toddler age and older, and it is safe to do so).
   If there is something making noise or a shadow on the wall, brainstorm with them about how to solve the problem – black out curtains, move whatever is making the shadow, use a sound machine or a fan. Get creative to help alleviate whatever is causing the fear, even if it seems silly to you, it’s very real for your child.

Fears are a normal part of development. It is EXPECTED and will look differently at different ages. But if fears are starting to impact your child or family’s everyday lives, it may be helpful to seek out professional help.