Do you want to keep playing chase, or are you ready for a break?

Hey, is now an ok time to talk about our plans for tomorrow afternoon?

Can I give you a hug or would you rather a high five?

Whenever we ask questions like this, we give kids the opportunity to practice checking in with themselves. When they can decide for their own bodies, they learn what a “yes” feels like, as well as getting comfortable setting boundaries and trusting themselves. 

Questions like these allow children to see what consent looks like in action. They receive the message that every person has the right to decide what happens to their own body. This message is an important one for kids to understand as it empowers them to stay safe and healthy. Instead of “because I said so,” try to partner with your child whenever possible so that they learn that “no” means something, whether it’s for themselves or someone else.  

Teaching consent doesn’t mean that kids get to call the shots or have the final say. As parents and caregivers, we know that sometimes we need to get things done even when it’s not what our child wants to do in the moment. However, even when we need to set a limit, we can still do it with kindness and in collaboration with our children, rather than from a position of power or force. This often requires creativity and thinking outside of the box though. 

When kids decide that they don’t want to do something, there are a few ways to respond to encourage cooperation while still building consent culture.

Appeal to a Child’s Natural Silliness – Hop like bunnies in a hop-race to the car when you have to go somewhere or become pirates in a treasure hunt to clean up all the toys and put them in the “treasure box.”

Look for the Yes – “I know you love to throw things, let’s go outside and see how far we can throw these beanbags!” “We don’t have time for the park today but tomorrow after lunch we can spend some time at the playground.”

Get Creative with Collaboration – “I know you don’t want to go to the grocery store, but I could really use your help to pick out three red apples?” Dialogue with your child about what you are doing and include them in the conversation. “Daddy needs to run into the Post Office for a minute, which parking spot should we choose?” 

Use The Power of Choice – Make sure that either choice the right one! “Would you rather wear the red shirt or the blue shirt today?” “Do you want to sit in the stroller or hold my hand to the car?” 

Using simple options like the ones above, show kids that their feelings and opinions matter, that they have autonomy and that whenever possible, we will give them a voice and be in partnership with them rather than force them.