It is easy to label challenging behavior as oppositional, disrespectful, defiant, and out of control. However, it is more helpful to understand this behavior as a sign that children cannot handle their big emotions and it may be hard for them to self-regulate when they feel overwhelmed. 

Self-regulation is the ability to remain calm, adapt and cope with big emotions while responding appropriately to our environment.  Research shows that children who can cope with their big emotions are more able to do well in school, with friends, and at home and that when children learn and practice self-regulation skills, they are forming pathways in their brains that increase their ability to manage stress in the future. Supporting this skill in children is crucial for their emotional well-being and success in many areas of life.

Here are some strategies to help children develop self-regulation skills:

• Establish routines and predictability: Create a structured and predictable environment for your child. Consistent routines provide a sense of stability and help children learn to manage their emotions and behaviors within a familiar framework.
• Teach emotion recognition and regulation: Help your child identify and understand their emotions. Teach them appropriate ways to express and manage their feelings. Encourage the use of calming techniques, such as deep breathing or counting to ten, when they feel overwhelmed.
• Manage your own stress:  Get your own needs met so that you can support children and be a positive role model.
• Set clear expectations and limits: Clearly communicate your expectations and set appropriate boundaries for behavior. Consistent and reasonable limits provide children with a sense of security and help them understand what is expected of them.
• Encourage problem-solving skills: Teach your child problem-solving strategies, such as breaking down problems into smaller parts, brainstorming solutions, and evaluating the pros and cons of each option. This empowers them to take control of their own behavior and find constructive solutions to challenges.
• Practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques: Introduce mindfulness exercises and relaxation techniques to your child. These can include guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation, or mindful breathing. These practices help children develop self-awareness and learn to manage their emotions more effectively.
• Provide opportunities for choice and autonomy: Offer your child age-appropriate choices to help them develop decision-making skills and a sense of autonomy. Having control over certain aspects of their lives enhances their ability to self-regulate.
• Foster a supportive and responsive environment: Create a safe and nurturing environment where your child feels heard and understood. Encourage open communication and actively listen to their concerns and emotions. Responding empathetically helps children feel validated and better equipped to regulate their emotions.
• Use visual cues and prompts: Visual cues, such as visual schedules or charts, can help children understand and follow routines and expectations. Visual reminders can serve as prompts for self-regulation strategies, such as using a calming corner or taking a break.

Self-regulation is a skill that needs to be supported in children because it contributes to their overall success and happiness. Remember that self-regulation skills develop over time, and children may need guidance and support as they learn to manage their emotions and behaviors effectively. The more children practice regulating themselves, the easier it will become for them to cope with and adapt to change. You can help children by eliminating unnecessary demands and guiding them with loving support.