It’s not always easy to remember in the moment – but it’s so important to look beyond the behavior we see if we want to help kids learn better strategies and emotional regulation. The desire for play, autonomy, and fairness are valid needs, even though pushing, aggression, or tantrums are poor strategies to get those needs met.

To communicate effectively, use your body language, tone, and words to show children that:

➡ you understand their point of view.
➡ you empathize with their feelings.
➡ you recognize the needs motivating their behaviors.

Try to get in the practice of discovering what your child really needs instead of focusing solely on trying to stop the unwanted behavior. This will help your brain start see your child as separate from their behavior so you can more easily respond with compassion.

DEFIANCE might be saying….      “I need more choice and autonomy”

AGGRESSION might be saying… “I need help regulating my emotions”

CRYING might be saying…              “I need more connection”

PUSHING might be saying…          “I need more space to play”

KICKING might be saying…           “I need to release some of this energy”

The great thing is that we don’t have to know exactly why our children are behaving in a certain way. We can just stay with the big feelings, listen with warmth and be our child’s emotional anchor in the storm, validating them and knowing that it will pass.