Strong willed children feel and interact more intensely as they navigate their world. They play intensely, think bigger, love deeply, and argue with passion. They can be more challenging to parent because they hold onto their convictions fiercely and often experience and act out with big emotions – but they are also the children who are leaders on the playground, in the classroom, and eventually within their communities. They are the ones to advocate for others and have a deep understanding of justice. The responsibility as parents, is to support and guide them in helping their bright light to shine.

Parenting a strong-willed child can sometimes lead to power struggles when our child has a different idea of how things should go than we do. Parenting a child with big emotions takes a little more ‘thinking outside of the box’ but it’s all worth it to eventually see these little leaders grow into more of who they are without dulling their shine. 

Here are some things to keep in mind as you parent your highly spirited child:

Let your calm be contagious. When your child’s big feelings become overwhelming, they need you to be the anchor in their storm to help them regulate.

Do something active. Children feel emotions throughout their whole body, so go for a walk, play kickball, or jump together. Get their whole bodies moving before trying to address an issue or have a big conversation. 

Be mindful of too many consequences. Not every behavior needs a consequence. It’s easy to get into a power struggle or to try to shut a behavior down when it feels like it may escalate but try to think about what the behavior is communicating. What is the need behind the behavior? Is it possible to meet that need while also setting a limit about the behavior?

Children with strong wills and big feelings are often misunderstood. Try to be mindful of possible hurt feelings that may be under the surface but may also be contributing to unwanted behavior. It is a human need to feel seen and understood, so consider how your high-spirited child might be feeling if they don’t feel like people “get” them.

Slow down. Before responding, consider a different perspective that your child may have. Take a breath, or a moment to remember that they are likely having their own experience that may differ from yours, and neither is wrong. Can you honor their experience while still honoring your own?  

When we think of the character traits we celebrate in adulthood, it is often the same as what we see in our strong-willed children – determined, passionate, an advocate for others, outspoken, courageous, a leader, etc. The challenge comes when we try to parent these little ones without smothering their spirit. Give yourself permission to have hard days and take breaks when you need. Honoring your own needs is just as important as honoring and respecting your child’s.