It’s never too late or too early to start setting boundaries in our relationships. Boundaries are a gift to us, and our children and they help protect relationships. When we set healthy boundaries with and for our children, we are taking care of our own needs while also modeling the importance of boundaries in relationships. Children need boundaries to feel safe and protected. This doesn’t mean that they won’t challenge the limits we set! It is normal and expected for kids to test boundaries, but it is our job to be consistent and kind in setting those limits.

Setting healthy boundaries with kids can sound like:

“I’ll give you one more push on the swing, then I’m all done pushing for today.”
“I know you love splashing the water, but I’ve asked you not to splash anymore. I want to stay dry, so I’m going to help you out of the tub.”
“I see that you want me to pick you up. As soon as I’m finished putting the dishes away, I will hold you.”
“I hear you, you really want daddy to read you the story. I’m going to, but I know how much you wish it was daddy.”

When we ignore our own needs, wants, and boundaries to take care of others, it can lead to resentment and thoughts like:

“I give so much, and no one appreciates me.”
“I bend over backward to take care of everyone, and no one takes care of my needs!”

Kids will never choose to give us a break. They are allowed to not like it, and we are allowed to take care of ourselves. We can hold the boundary AND allow their feelings.

“It’s okay to feel disappointed. Your tough feelings are ok. I’ll sit with you.”
“I hear you; you’re feeling bummed.”
“Thank you for telling me how you feel.”
“I hear you saying that you wish you could have it right now. Waiting is so hard.”

By setting boundaries for us and our children, we normalize them—they’re a part of life! Kids will grow up knowing people set boundaries to take care of themselves, not to be mean.